This song is by Concrete Blond. I first heard it when I was about 15, and it made me think of me and Joey's relationship. Now, more than ever, it reminds me of him... Joey, baby - don't get crazy Detours, fences - I get defensive. I know you've heard it all before, so I don't say it anymore I just stand by and let you fight your secret war And though I used to wonder why, I used to cry till I was dry.. Still sometimes I get a strange pain inside.... Oh, Joey, if you're hurting so am I Joey, honey - I got some money All is forgiven, listen, listen But if I seem to be confused, I didn't mean to be with you And when you said I scared you Well I guess you scared me too But we got lucky once before And I don't wanna close the door And if you're somewhere out there passed out on the floor Oh Joey, I'm not angry anymore And if I seem to be confused, I didn't mean to be with you And when you said I scared you Well I guess you scared me too But if it's love you're looking for then I can give a little more And if you're somewhere drunk and passed out on the floor Oh Joey, I'm not angry anymore Angry anymore, angry anymore My brother, Joey is on the right. His friend on the left is Justin Arland My little brother Joey died on November 13, 2003. He was killed in a car accident with two of his friends, Justin Arland and Scott Anair. A woman T-Boned them, and their car flew through a brick wall. She said she was only going 40MPH..and I guess we will never know the truth, though that is surely not it. Joey and I didn't get along when we were younger. Stupid, petty differences...well, I say stupid now, but at the time, they just seemed so damn important, who was right and who was wrong. We had just started to mend the fences. I was stupidly under the assumption that we had the rest of our lives to "fix things". I was so wrong. I had to tell him all those things I was waiting to say,as he lie on a table in a funeral home. I held his hand, and I wrote him a note on it. I didn't know what else to do. I wrote "I love you forever, you will never be alone." I can't explain what this feels like. I can't explain how it feels when I know that people don't want to talk about Joey anymore. Because they are afraid we will get teary..or because they have simply moved on. I hate to hear, "how are you doing" or, "you need to snap out of it.." Doesn't anyone understand that our lives stopped that day? That the funeral was not the end of it for us, only the begining? That every day it gets harder, because now the shock has worn off and we have to deal with the reality of his death every day, every night. Every time we have dinner together, and there is so obviously an empty spot. Every time I remember something funny, and I think to myself, "I have to tell Joey that" and then remind myself, again, that he is gone. Every birthday, every anniversary, hell, it doesn't matter what day it is. He's gone. Maybe if you try it, you'd understand. I think this explains it perfectly. Thank you to the person who wrote this. To make this really hit home for you it should be practiced for at least 24 hours; the longer the better. Don't blow this off as a stupid idea. It works along the same lines as blindfolding yourself to experience being without sight. First of all, think about your child. Now imagine that that child is gone. Whatever age or stage of development, whether he or she lives with you or not, just imagine you won't ever see that child on earth again. Call all your family and friends and tell them your child died. Next, go to a funeral home and discuss caskets, markers, burial plots, etc. Pick out a favorite outfit for your child to be buried in. Sit down and write out the obituary for the newspaper. Get on the floor or in the closet and cry until there are no more tears. Then repeat until you think you're losing your mind. If you made it through that part you are ready for the next step. During all of this remember, the world hasn't stopped. If you have a job, you will have to return to it. The power company and everyone else still wants their payment each month. You may have doctors bills, ambulance bills, attorney fees if an accident was involved. If your child died at the hands of another there will be a trial and publicity. If you were blessed to have other children, you will have to deal with their grief as well as your own. They will still have homework, tests, reports, projects and the class bully. Next comes the "firsts". Birthday, anniversary of death, Christmas, etc. When everyone is singing tra-la-la and jingle bells, you won't be. Your heart will be too heavy. The hurt will be so intense you will marvel if you can get out of bed each morning. Every morning when you take your other children to school you'll be reminded that you AREN'T taking one too. You'll see their friends going on with their lives and it will cut you to the quick. When they all graduate from kindergarten, middle school, etc., your child won't. When you start getting wedding invitations in the mail for these other children, you'll be reminded again of your loss. Don't forget too, that when you go shopping you'll see things that you wanted to buy for your deceased child. You'll see places the two of you USED to go. At home when you prepare a favorite meal of the child who is gone, it won't taste the same to you. The pictures, cards they made for you or sent you, toys and other possessions of your baby will be both harmful and helpful. They are a link to the past, a way to remember more about what you've lost and at the same time they are a link to the past and a way to remember more about what you've lost. Funny, huh? That family portrait you were always so proud of? Well, it will take on a whole new meaning now. Didn't mean to ask too much of you. Believe it or not I could write dozens of other things for you to imagine. Fortunately for you, it's only an exercise. I live it every day. IF you have the guts to stick it out - this little experiment - congratulations. I don't think you will be so quick to utter those words now. Not if you really did imagine. Besides, I care too much about you my friend. I pray to God you never have to live the reality of this. My dad read this at my brothers memorial service. A letter to my son who we lost on November 13, 2003. ONE DAY One day when they ask me what was your worst day, I’ll tell them about the day my son Joey died. I'll tell them about the knock at the door in the middle of the night. I'll tell them how the life ran out of me, when they handed me your wallet. What I won't be able to tell them is, how I stood over your mother while she lie sleeping and realized what I was about to do. How do you tell the woman you love, who you've spent your whole life with that her baby is gone? I would tell them how much your sister Jennifer loved you, and how I knew I would be breaking her heart forever. When they ask me what was my best day, I'll tell them about the day so many people and so much love came together to celebrate the life of my son. Today I know I am the luckiest man in the world, I have spent my life with my best friend Lynne. I got to watch my daughter raise her family, I have three beautiful grandchildren and I have a son that was loved by many. All of you here today have brought a piece of Joey's life with you. I pray he fill's your hearts as he has mine. I ask that you value your children, that you stand by them, that you understand them. In a heartbeat your world could be destroyed. Find a way to make your children know that you love them. When you look at them tonight it could be the last time you ever see them again. Joey, I want you to know how proud your mother and I are of you. You grew up to be a man of your word. You lived life on your terms. You had great times with your friends. You have given us a life time of memories. You have shown us that Integrity and Honor are the best choices. I hope that some day I can be half the man that you are today. I know that its time for you to leave and do what you need to do. I wish you a safe journey and know that I will keep you in my life till the day I die. I'll miss you, I love you, I'm so proud of you. May these words guide your journey and comfort you along the way: MAY THE ROAD RISE TO MEET YOU. MAY THE WIND BE ALWAYS AT YOUR BACK. MAY THE SUN SHINE WARM ON YOUR FACE, THE RAINS FALL SOFT UPON YOUR FIELDS. AND UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN, MAY GOD HOLD YOU IN THE PALM OF HIS HAND. Sweet Dreams Joey. I LOVE YOU DAD This is a song that was really special to my mom and my brother. "I hope you Dance" I hope you never lose your sense of wonder You get your fill to eat But always keep that hunger May you never take one single breath for granted God forbid love ever leave you empty handed I hope you still feel small When you stand by the ocean Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens Promise me you'll give fate a fighting chance And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance I hope you dance I hope you dance I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance Never settle for the path of least resistance Living might mean taking chances But they're worth taking Lovin' might be a mistake But it's worth making Don't let some hell bent heart Leave you bitter When you come close to selling out Reconsider Give the heavens above More than just a passing glance And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance I hope you dance (Time is a wheel in constant motion always) I hope you dance (Rolling us along) I hope you dance (Tell me who) I hope you dance (Wants to look back on their years and wonder) (Where those years have gone) I hope you still feel small When you stand by the ocean Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance Dance I hope you dance I hope you dance (Time is a wheel in constant motion always) I hope you dance (Rolling us along) I hope you dance (Tell me who) (Wants to look back on their years and wonder) I hope you dance (Where those years have gone) (Tell me who) I hope you dance (Wants to look back on their years and wonder) (Where those years have gone)